"What do you want to do after Zambia?"

How am I feeling right now? In exactly 2 months to the hour I will be arriving back in Vancouver. I have completed 3 months here and have 2 more to go. It is so hard to put into words how I feel. I have been through so much these last few months, it is really possible to put into words? I loved almost every moment of being here. I really feel like clay right now and God keeps molding me. He breaks me apart and keeps reforming me into the person He wants me to be. Am I living up to his standards? Probably not since we are all sinners. One thing that was placed on my heart this weekend was Gods will for my life. I was having a conversation last night with a local here and he asked me this question, "What do you want to do after Zambia? Are you going to come back and be a missionary for the rest of your life?" Am I? Can I really do this? Let me tell you, being a missionary is not easy! Because we are doing God's work the devil is constantly attacking you from every angle. The comfort in all this, the battle has already been won. God has the most amazing plan for my life!!! I have no idea what is in-store for me but I know it will be a beautiful story. Sure it will have the calm waters and storms, but it is all worth it. I have been struggling with a lot of different emotions recently; happiness in being here and serving God, fear in now knowing what is next for my life, heartbreak as I deal with guys in my life, humbleness in that God is humbling me day in and day out.... the list goes on. Do I want to come home? Of course I want to come home and see my family and friends (and have a shower.. something that I havent had since I left home) Do I not want to come home? I LOVE Zambia. It is my home away from home. It will be so unbelievably hard to leave all that has happened here in the last few months. I have become friends with so many amazing people that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I have met about 160 of the most precious children who have each touched my heart in a certain way. I have adapted to the slow, laid back lifestyle, much like a small town. I love my home and I love my home away from home. Most of all, that is above all these feelings, I am so excited to see what God has planned for my life!!!!!! I wake up every morning in awe and with a lot of curiousity of what God has planned for this day. He already knows what will happen, what will make me happy, what will make me sad, but isn't that just so exciting? He knows our whole story and has perfected it according to His will!!!! It is hard to express what is all running through my blood right now.. so many different emotions, but I am happy and exciting to see what tomorrow brings. Thankyou God for sending Jesus to die on the cross for us and be resurrected that we may have life!!!!